Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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