a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
