She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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