once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
