Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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