i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
