maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
