I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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