Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
