I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
