My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
