blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
