Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
