the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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