What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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