We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
