Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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