apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
