Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
