Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
