Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
