she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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