isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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