we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
