when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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