If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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