Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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