i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
