You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
