Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
