No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
