you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
