my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Please don't give away my fajitas
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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