Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
