don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
