Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
