I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
