you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
