ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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