Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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