Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
