The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
