He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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