it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
