I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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