im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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