maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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