it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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