You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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