She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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