My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
