my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
