She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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