Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
