Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
