I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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