the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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