it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
