dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
